It's not even Kindergarten, for Pete's Sake!

Today I woke up with a familiar pit in my stomach. A feeling I remember experiencing so many times as a kid, usually once a year, late August-Early September. The dreaded "first day of school nerves". Only today, instead of for me, the nerves were ever more intense because I was sending my boy off into the wild frontier of ... PRE-school!!
There were a lot of big fears that came with this first day of school...what to wear;will other people talk to me; will I be a cool kid this year; will the teachers like me; will I know anybody...and those were just the things I was worried about FOR ME, not Levi!
Levi's first words upon waking this morning were, "Mommy, are you going to be my driver to school?" "Yes, of course I will" "Will I be in my carseat?" "Yes, of course you will!" "ON THE SCHOOL BUS?" The poor guy, all this hype about school and he doesn't even get to ride the bus!
We arrived at school, Levi's excitement never waned, and started walking up the sidewalk of dread. With Mason on my hip and Levi holding my hand...or rather ME tightly gripping LEVI'S hand, we made our way into the building.
The teacher came out to greet all the parents and children and I totally, completely lost it! The tears just started falling. Levi looked up at me and I turned my head away, can you imagine if he, who was so brave and excited looked up to see me completely falling apart! I made my way into the classroom and helped Levi find his name tag, pin it to his shirt, and he looked at me with a big smile and said, "Can I go play now?" and that was it, he was gone...leaving me and a puddle of tears in his dust! One of the teachers smiled at me and said, "I think you should go now"...uh, yeah, you think? Since I am the only person, children included, with crocodile tears filling my face!
Mason and I left, went to the park to hang out with Lindsay and Ayla, and I was fine. When we went back to pick him up, I was receiving many sympathetic looks from the other parents, and I know they were just waiting for me to lose it again...I bet they had a pool going on over at the "cool parents table", but I didn't.
As soon as the door opened and Levi ran over to us with a huge smile on his face proclaiming, "mama, I didn't cry today!", I welled up again, but held it in! We came home, I gave my boy his favorite lunch, PB&J and we cuddled up on the couch for a bit, and suddenly, with my big boy in arms so proud of all he accomplished on his first day out of my nest, all was right with the world again.

A long letter from my mind...

Dear Summer 2009,
You Rocked my socks off...and that wasn't necessarily a good thing...
You kept your hotter than hades temperatures far from us, and we enjoyed such pleasant weather all summer long, for that we are certainly grateful! Our days were filled with hanging out with so many of our great friends...

...eating lots and LOTS of ice cream, sometimes a little too fast...

...many days of silliness, laughter and smiles came along with you sweet summer of 2009...


...two lovely vacations; one to Mackinac in early July (click the link to read and see pictures about that), and a recent family get-away to Pappa Mike's in Cinncinnati and then the 4 of us went to Traverse City for a few days...

Yes, Summer of 2009, you were very, VERY good to us! Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go crawl under my covers and avoid tomorrow like the plague...because, tomorrow this boy...
is leaving my little nest and heading off to pre-school, and frankly, I just don't want him to!

Sincerely,
The clingy, crying mother I never thought I'd be!

5 years!

5 years ago today...

...I woke up with my 5 bridesmaids (my sister, 2 sister-in-laws (well, they weren't officially sister in laws until later that day), and 2 of my longest, closest friends)
...We went to Visions salon in Novi to get our hair done
...I danced in the bridal room with my Mother in law (to be)
...I clung to my dad's arm as he walked me toward my love
...I cried through most of the ceremony and did not want to let go of Chris' hand (I think I was still afraid he would change his mind)
...we rode in an old car with the top down through Brighton wearing sunglasses, and listening to strangers cheer for us
...we danced the night away at Crystal Gardens with 130 friends and family members
...we had a chauffered car take us to an airport hotel where two young boys offered to take our luggage to our room for us, since we were "just married"
...we declined
...was one of the best days of my life!!!

In the past 5 years we have...

...added 2 boys and a dog to our family
...been on 2 cruises
...upgraded cars 3 times
...painted 4 rooms
...gone to 2 different churches
...parasailed in St. Thomas
...made new friends
...lost some old friends
...fought
...made up
...laughed...laughed a lot

...played 677 documented games of cribbage
...learned to be parents
...battled through post-partum depression together

In the next 5 years we...

...will laugh...a lot...it's what we do
...will fight some more
...will make up some more
...might be able to move into a bigger house with a Yard!
...will keep figuring out this parenting thing
...hope to travel more
...will play more cribbage (and maybe, just maybe, I'll take the lead!)
...might, maybe, possibly, who knows...add to our family...maybe?
...will challenge each other to walk closer to God
...will keep falling in love...(awwwww)

Happy Anniversary, Chris! I look forward to what lies ahead for us! I love you (more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow...) :D

It's the little things...

...A full tank of gas after he drives my car...

\

...bringing me unexpected ice cold glasses of Coke Zero.....

....Taking the boys outside to give me a few moments peace...

...that make me love this man truly, madly deeply!

Dream Dinner

Obviously, I'm a foodie. I don't think I need to expand on that any further, but just for re-iteration...I love me some food!!! Last night I was preparing for our girls night out pool party, looking for some questions to have handy, just in case the conversation ended up lagging...fyi: whenever there is a group of women together... lag of conversations...not so much!
ANYWAY, I came across this question and thought it would be fun to throw out to you all and get your answers...

You are selected as guest of honor at a dinner, and are allowed to invite 4 famous people to attend your dinner and guaranteed their participation, who do you invite?

A note especially for my mother-in-law, as I'm already hearing her answer in my head...You can't say "my family is all I need for a dream dinner"...Love you MIL, but I'm on to you and your ways!!
So, here are my 4...
Ashtan Kutcher- He could "tweet" to his 3million followers that he's at dinner with Tonya Gray and 3million people would google me, find my blog, and then I'D be famous...plus I'm sure he'd provide some comic relief
George W. Bush - For so many reasons...I would love to hear all that he has to say about life outside the White House; inside the White House; His proudest moments; etc..I think he'd be very interesting to listen to
Will Smith - Eye Candy...need I say more?
Billy Grahm - Someone's going to have to pray for this messed up dinner party!! Also, I'd be interested to hear what he thinks about the Church in America today, among many other things.

OK, so there's my 4? Who are yours?

Remembering a Remarkable Woman...

With me on September 4, 2004

On August 5th, 2009, my great-grandma passed away, and I lost a major part of my heritage. I don't know many people lucky enough to have a great-grandmother that they remember, let alone have in their lives for 30+ years.
Since the day she died, I've been writing this post in my head over and over, trying to think of the best words to put together a tribute to someone so special. At her funeral, my dad (her grandson) and 2 of his sisters shared their memories of a grandma who was far beyond just the title "grandma" to her grandchildren. It was said many times over the 2 days of visitation and funeral that she was "the family matriarch...the glue that held our family together".
Most, if not all, of my memories of holidays as a child revolved in someway around Grandma. Many of my Christmas mornings were shared with her, as she usually spent the night with my family and woke up with us Christmas morning.
My grandma was strong...she was not tall or big, but she had strength. She was a widow for over 20 years, and lived alone until the last 5. She kept a remarkably clean home, and even moved her furniture once a week (it was on rollers, of course) to clean under, behind and over it.
She survived breast cancer, the loss of her husband and son, the depression and many life altering changes to her and her family.
Her laughter was contagious...the first thing I thought as I stepped up to her casket for the first time, was how much I will miss her laugh. She had this cackle that just echoed through any room. She loved to be teased and tricked. My sister used to call her every year on April Fool's day and try to sell her windows, siding, roofing or shutters. Sitting on the other end of the phone, I could always hear her say, "Jessie, is that you, I knew you'd be calling today", and then the cackle would come.
She loved her family well. Do your remember this post I wrote about the sixth love language? Not until Grandma passed away, did I realize where I got this passion for food from. Grandma loved to bake and cook for her family. I spent almost every Sunday with my 7 cousins and aunts and uncles at grandma's house. She would prepare homemade noodles and beef; roasts; and a plethora of cookies, cakes or pies...did you get that I said every Sunday. She never complained (that I know of) and loved that all of us were at her house to eat her cooking. I am now convinced, more than ever, that food is the 6th love language, and I'm pretty sure that was Grandmas dominant love language.
There is so much more that I could say about this amazing woman and the ways that she impacted me are too numerous to mention. I realize how lucky I am to not only have had a great-grandmother in my life, but one whom I knew well and loved much. She certainly will be missed!!

Holding Baby Levi, one of her 9 great great grandchildren!

Thankful

Tonight I'm thankful for....

this sweet face...

...and this one

....and this one..

These three boys...errr...2 boys and one man are 3 of my biggest answered prayers. I was one of those girls that just wanted to be a "wife and a mom", and sometimes it just baffles me that God not only answered my prayers but he did so in a way that exceeded my biggest dreams and hopes for a family.
I have a wonderful husband, truly wonderful. He is faithful, compassionate, aware of my needs, a provider, protector, encourager and my lover...wooo, is it getting warm in here or is it just me???
With all my heart I wanted to be a mom, and God saw fit to bless us with Levi in a much earlier time frame than we would have planned, but as always, His timing was perfect. Levi is healthy, funny, playful, physical (we're trying to turn that one into a positive trait), a prayer who loves to talk to Jesus, a thinker and quite the storyteller.
Mason came along and when we thought there was no way we could have MORE love to give than what we were giving Levi, Mason's arrival proved us wrong. Mason is healthy, sensitive, a cuddler, emotionally expressive, funny, obsessed with his big brother and equally obsessed with cars (toy cars, cars that drive by, his daddy's car).
I know life can be tough, trust me, I've been there and I'm sure I'll be there again. But man, is it also so sweet! I don't know where you are in your life right now, but if you're struggling with something, feeling like life sucks or just plain down, I encourage you to look at what's good in your life. Maybe your spouse and kids are bringing you down (Hey, been there, too) or maybe you're feeling lonely and wishing for someone to appreciate you. Go find something that makes you realize how sweet life is. Go to a park and take in the beauty that's just there; call your mom, dad, brother, sister just because; pray and ask God to show you a glimpse of HIS love, I can pretty much promise, if you ask Him and you're looking, He will show you!!
If you are feeling down and/or struggling with something, I would love to pray for you. You can e-mail me at tonyagray813@gmail.com, and/ or leave a comment here and I promise to pray for you!