Letters from my mind

Dear Lady at the Mall Play area:
Are you aware that most of the moms in the play structure spend 90% of their time telling their children to STOP TATTLING! What then, makes you think it's a good idea to tell me 10 minutes after my oldest child pushes my youngest down (something that happens 1.2billion times a DAY), that "your baby was crying (10 minutes ago, a 2 second cry) because his big brother pushed him down over there". Well, thank you so much, let me just grab that mean big brother and punish him right in front of you so you will feel that justice has been served. By the way your perfect child may not be pushing his sibling down, but he's over there licking all of the climbing toys, you know the ones that all the other kids are running on barefoot, and I think he just put a pre-chewed piece of gum in his mouth!

Sincerely,
Big-brother bully mama!!

Dear Lady @ Target,
Listen carefully, there are TWO, TWO photo centers here, right next to each other. While I have 2 patient children in my cart, who are quickly losing their patience, could you please BUZZ OFF! I don't need you standing over my shoulder commenting on my vacation pictures, reminding me that I'm using your favorite photo center. By the way, when you say you'll go away for a moment, so I don't feel rushed...I didn't think you literally meant ONE moment, so I don't know why you were surprised that I wasn't finished when you returned from your "moment". Also, even though I apologized, I really wasn't sorry that Levi kept bumping into you while you were trying to use said photo center, since it was still our turn, and he was trying to get our pictures as they were printing out! Finally, my vacation pictures were way better than yours!!!

Sincerely,
The one with nicer pictures


Dear Coke Zero,
Did you hear that I got rid of facebook once I realized I was facing an addiction to it? Aren't you worried that I might axe you out of my life? In all of your fizzy goodness, I'm downing more cans of you than I should, and I'm starting to take notice...what's that? Oh, right, you heard that I went crawling back to facebook so you're not afraid? Nice...

Sincerely,
The one with no will power